Jeffery Olsen had what he thought was a perfect life, then in a flash, it all changed. Through the heartbreak and the pain, he discovered what he called the song of life. He describes this beautiful song near the end of the video, and I paraphrase that the purpose of life is harmony and learning to love each other unconditionally.

The near-death experience of Jeffery Olsen

Anthony Chene Productions on YouTube
Published March 19, 2019
46:55 viewing length

Full Transcript

I lived a very normal American life. I grew up on a small farm up in the mountains; we had cows and horses, and it was a family of boys. I had all brothers, so I grew up in a very rough and tumble lifestyle, you know. We worked hard, played hard, and had a lot of fun. My brothers and I were very close. I was the middle one. I had a younger brother and an older brother, but we were all within about four years, so we were very close. We did a lot of sports, a lot of football, things like that, so we were very active. 

My mother was a devout Christian, she and my father had split up, but I grew up with that conservative Christian background. So, for me, there was always this stirring, I suppose, about what is real, you know what is truth. I remember as a boy going out into the fields, and it was dark. You would see the stars at night, you know, and I could look up at the stars. 

I went away to college, actually to play American football. I had a scholarship to do that, but I also wanted to be an artist, so I studied art and played football on the other side. That's when I was 19, 20, 21, and while I was away to college, that's probably when the most important thing happened. It is; I fell madly head-over-heels in love, met a young woman named Tamra, and gosh, my heart just knew. I mean, I didn't even know her name. She walked into the room, and it was like lightning hit me. It's like there she is, and we became beautiful friends. I mean we, you know, we had a friendship, and it turned into a relationship, and it turned into a courtship, and then we were eventually married.

Tamra was a schoolteacher. She taught high school the upper levels, and I was a marketing person. So I graduated and got my degree in marketing, and we were pursuing our careers, and we had our first child, a little son. We called him Spencer. Oh he was a joy. It was fun. We enjoyed raising our little boy, and Tamra said, let's have more children. Still, there had been complications, but six years after the fact came Griffin, a second child, so suddenly we had these two boys', beautiful family. Still, everything changed really with the near-death experience, and that was a result of a horrific automobile accident.

And I'll never forget it. It's been 20 years now since the accident happened, but I can recall the details like it was yesterday. We were on a family vacation. Actually, it was Easter weekend; we had been away and visited Tamra's parents. We had a beautiful Easter weekend, and Monday came. It was time for me to get back to work. So we loaded everyone in the car. We'd been down in southern Utah in the Red Rock country, and we were driving up to northern Utah where we live. And there are certain moments of that that I'll never forget. It's almost like time stood still, especially in hindsight. I mean, we had put everyone in the car, and actually, we were just getting ready to pull away. I had just put the car in drive, and Tamara reached over and said, "oh wait, wait just a minute. I want to go say goodbye to mom and dad one more time." At the time, I thought, gosh, we said goodbye, you know let's get on the road. But I put the car in park, and I watched. She went up to the porch. She not only hugged her mother and father, but she also kissed them both, and then she came back to the car quite happy, got in, buckled in her seat belt, we got on the interstate. I put the car on cruise control, went up to 75 miles per hour,  which was as fast as I could legally go. I was hurrying, you know, to get back to work in the office. It was a half-day drive. It was a four to five hour drive that we were making, and even during that process, I was racing down the road; I was thinking about all the things I had to do at work and going on and on.

Tamara had actually laid her seat back to have a nap, and I just peeked in the rearview mirror. I noticed Griffin, my youngest son, just barely learning to walk and talk. I saw this little boy, and I thought, what a miracle. We were told we might not have any more children, and there he is, you know, beautiful. And then I just glanced behind me where Spencer was, seven years old at the time; he was playing with little action figures and making all kinds of noise, and I thought what a joyful little boy and glanced at Tamra, who was sleeping but holding my hand. And I thought, wow, I'm so lucky. That's what I felt. I had this moment of just absolute gratitude. I'm so lucky for what I have.

It was about an hour after that that it got really, really bad. There were heavy winds. There were reports of a pickup truck driving erratically on the highway. The hardest part about the story, in the experience is, I really believe I dozed off. I mean, we'd been driving long, and I think I maybe just nodded off at the wheel for a minute. But when I did that, the car swerved to the right, I overcorrected to the left, and I lost control of the car. And then it began to roll. And it rolled not off the road but down the road at 75 miles an hour on the concrete. It was a horrific automobile accident. The police reports say the car probably rolled six to eight times. I blacked out for most of that.

I don't recall actually rolling, but I was incredibly conscious when the car came to a stop. I'm like, oh my gosh, what happened? And the first thing I was aware of was Spencer, my seven-year-old, crying in the backseat, just crying hysterically. And as a father, I thought, okay, well he's okay, I've got to get to my son. I've got to get to my boy, but that's when I realized that I could not move. I was pinned, and I couldn't tell if I was pinned to the seat or the floorboard. I was disoriented. I was struggling to breathe. There was excruciating pain.

I had no idea of my injuries. What had actually happened is that both of my legs had been crushed and shattered, that the left leg was actually amputated above the knee, my back had been injured, my rib cage was injured, and my lungs were collapsing. My right arm had almost been torn off. It was severed really badly, and all the muscles had been torn out of the socket. And then the seat belt cut through my midsection and had ruptured my intestines, my insides. I had no idea. All I knew was that my son was crying. I wanted to get to him, and that's when the brutal reality hit that no one else was crying. That's when I thought, oh my gosh, and I knew Tamra was gone. I saw, which I don't talk a lot about, Tamra because she had laid her seat back, was not restrained properly by the seat belt. And so she had suffered some pretty severe head trauma in the accident, which took her life. Griffen, my little boy, the car seat had broken up, and he had been ejected from the car. And so I couldn't see him. But it's like I knew in my heart, I just, it was the darkest, most awful feeling of they're gone; they're gone. And I knew that, and suddenly the guilt, I mean the regret. I just kept thinking, can't I just take back that five seconds. I mean, what happened? How did I crash the car? I was absolutely panicked. And Spencer is crying hysterically. In fact, I was attempting to speak to him. I knew I was losing consciousness, but I said to Spencer, I said it's going to be okay. And I thought that's a lie. It's not okay. I mean, half the family's gone. I'm losing consciousness. Nothing will ever be the same. But it was in that darkest moment.

It was in that turmoil that that horror of the accident that I felt, well, the best word is light. It's like light came. It's like I felt it come and circle around me, almost like it was a blanket, almost like it was comforting me in this horrific moment. And it felt as if I was rising above the scene of the accident. The best word is maybe like I was in this bubble of light, and I rose above the accident. Oh, now I can breathe. But the pain's gone. Am I okay? That's what I was asking, is, am I okay?

Suddenly I realized that Tamra, who I knew was gone at the scene, was there with me and very much alive and gorgeous. I mean, that's, you know, the only reason I share what happened to her in the accident. Because all of a sudden she was there and there were no injuries. There was no head trauma. She was radiant and glorious. She was upset and frantic. She's like, Jeff, Jeff, you've got to go back. You've got to go back. You can't come. You can't be here. There I was, looking at the woman I loved more than life, but I also knew I had a little boy crying in the backseat of that car. I had to make a choice about coming back. It was so real. I mean, it wasn't like a dream at all. Like it's almost like my senses were multiplied. For instance, in this state, if I can see and smell and taste and hear and all those things in that state, it was super sensory. It was so real that it makes this life feel like the foggy dream. It's like this feels like the weird, strange dreamy state that was reality. I looked at her, and I thought I've got to go back. I can't leave our little boy orphaned. I literally got to say goodbye, and I made the choice to come back.

Now I didn't have to figure out how do I go back. It was in the intention of thinking I'm going back as I did so, I found myself wandering around a hospital. Now I have no concept of time in this bubble of light. I mean, I don't know how many minutes or hours went by. I later found out that people arrived at the scene of the accident; one happened to be a doctor who was able to do some emergency procedures, care for Spencer. They rushed us to a local hospital and  Spencer was not badly hurt. My seven-year-old, he was banged up a little bit but he basically physically walked away from the accident, but emotionally I thought the whole family was gone. 

With the extent of my injuries, there's no way that the hospital could see to my care. They had to LifeFlight me to a level 1 trauma center which they did; they flew me to the nearest metropolitan city where I could get the care I needed, and I had no idea about any of that. All I knew is, I had wrecked the car, I had said the most profound goodbyes I would ever say, and there I was wandering around through a hospital looking at the nurses and the doctors and the patients and the families of the patients. But the incredible thing is, everybody I saw, I knew them like they were strangers, but I would look at them, and I knew everything about them. I knew their love, their hate, their joy, their decisions their pain, their motivations. I knew them as if they were me. It was intense things I felt. There was a nurse, and I just knew that she had been abused as a child physically, sexually, emotionally, and I thought what I could feel, it is as if it had happened to me. But in feeling it, I had this profound compassion for her. It's like, oh wow look what she has overcome; look what she endured, and then I had this intense feeling of, look who she is now because of that, this compassionate, you know, medical staff is literally healing people.

I had this intense connection to everyone, and there was this sense of love for everyone, and it didn't matter who they were or what they had done or what they hadn't done. And I saw them as this incredible soul. All those judgments from religion just went away. It was like, aren't they incredible? Aren't they beautiful? And I did have a verse like from the Bible, come up as I'm wandering around the hospital. There's a famous verse attributed to Jesus that says, "in as much as you've done it unto the least of these, you've done it unto me", which I used to think was a really nice  passage about being nice to people, which I suppose it is; but I was feeling it at such an intense level I realized wow so what Jesus was saying is I am them and they are me and that's what I was experiencing. I was them and they were me. And there was this oneness, this connection that was undeniable; and I was the heroin addict, I was the nurse, I was all of it. I was everything and everything was me, but it was all encircled by this intense love and this intense compassion, unconditional love. And I was just marveling at this experience until I came up to a man or a body laying on the gurney that I didn't feel anything from, which I thought was weird; and so I stepped closer and took a look  and that's when I realized, oh my goodness that's me. But it wasn't me; I was having this incredible connected experience but there was my body, there was, you know, that skin suit I'd been wearing around life. And it was incredibly sad because my body was a wreck. I've taken for granted that I'm healthy and can run and be athletic and feel good and yet there was my body so broken. A couple of things were huge for me in that and that is that I'm not my body. I  was something far greater and then also I had peace even in the trauma of everything that had happened by being out of the situation, and I also realized too, the passing I mean dying, was very natural; it was very beautiful. You know many might say that I suffered a very violent traumatic death you know and the car accident and all the injuries and everything that had happened, but I wasn't even aware of the injuries, but I also knew I've got to get back in that body and carry on I've got to live for my son. And once again there was no figuring it out; it was intention I'm going back in and then boom I was back in the body. But when I went back into the body, the heaviness and the regret, the guilt the pain, the trauma all of that.

So I was in the hospital for almost six months I mean, and it was awful to be back in the body, I was I was ventilated; they had a big tube, you know down my throat doing the breathing since my lungs had collapsed, my legs were obviously immobile, my right arm was immobile, and then they had tied down my left arm because I kept grabbing at all the medical equipment; it was really intense. In fact, it was almost like I had one foot in this realm and one foot in that realm because I would find myself leaving the body every now and then. I would feel like, gosh, I  need a break. There were times I felt like I was over in the corner watching it all just taking a break from it all, knowing I've got to get back in the body again, and I would go in and out of the body.

I also had, it was like continued communication with Tamra my wife. I recall having a very intense conversation with her when I was out of the body again and she was letting me know what she wanted done at the funeral services, and she wanted her sister-in-laws to have her fancy dresses, and she wanted her cousin and her niece to have those special rings and the jewelry. I mean it was almost trivial thing but she was communicating to me. 

Probably the most profound thing that happened was at the end of my hospital stay I was out of ICU and I was in ICU  for months and then I would go to surgical recovery. I had horrible infections. I had pneumonia in my lungs. I kept throwing pulmonary embolisms. There were blood clots that lodge in your lungs. So I was very sick for a very long time but by this case, I was out of ICU out of surgical recovery, I was actually in the rehabilitation unit of the hospital, I, in fact, it was only weeks before I was to come home, I finally was able to roll and sleep on my side and I remember falling asleep, and I mean the guilt the grief, the pain, the trauma, everything that I'd been dealing with and while I was sleeping I felt that light come again just like at the scene of the accident.

Suddenly I felt this blanket of light and although I was joyful to be sleeping off the grief and the guilt, I mean I had lost half my family. I had lost half my body. I was worried about my son and how was he gonna deal with this. How was I gonna deal with it so there was a constant worry but I was peaceful in my sleep and this light came and embraced me and was comforting me just like at the accident. In those situations, and again I felt a lift, and then the light seemed to dispense light like a fog or a mist that goes away the light was gone and I was in the most incredibly beautiful place and it was so real once again; it was so sensory. I mean that might seem odd that it felt physical but I was running. I could feel the ground beneath my feet I could feel the warmth and the energy from the ground beneath my feet. And I  began to run and it felt as if I was running, I mean I could feel you know the the muscles in my calves and thighs and I was joyfully joyfully running. It's odd; what was coming to my mind is, wow it's good to be home. I was home. I mean people say heaven or the other side; to me I was home. It was so familiar, was so welcoming. I was so joyful to be there and when I say it felt like a physical experience, everything was super sensory. I could taste the colors. I could smell what I was seeing and I was elated to be there. 

I got this message, it was like a knowledge, like a knowing that you're not here to stay. And I thought, oh I just want to stay, you know, and about that time I got that message. I was in this corridor off to my left and I knew intuitively, I'm to go down there. And I made my way down the corridor and as I did I could see something at the end of the corridor. So I made my way to the end of the corridor and when I  got there, it was a crib much like the one Griffin had been sleeping in because he was still just a baby. I raced to the crib and I looked in the crib and there was Griffin, there was my little boy. And he was sleeping as peacefully and as beautifully as when I had peeked in the rearview mirror on the ride home. And I swept him up in my arms. I had worried and had pain over that because I knew he'd been thrown from the car and I didn't know what had happened but I knew he had been killed. But there he was perfect. And when I swept him up, and again it was so physical, what I could feel, I could feel the heat from his body. And I thought, he's okay and I could feel him breathing. I could feel his ribcage expanding. I could feel his breath on my neck. And I thought, he's okay; he's just fine And then I um, I smelled his hair you know. I smelled his hair and thought, I see my little boy. He's perfect, he's okay and I can feel him solid against me, and I was even marveling then if I'm out of the body, how does it feel so physical? But it did. I could feel and smell and taste and touch everything. And I began to weep just thinking, oh he's okay. I was holding him and then I had longed for that over those months. And as I was holding him I felt an intense feeling behind me; it was a presence, It felt so cosmic, so so big, so wise so powerful, and I began to become fearful. In fact my thoughts were, that's God. I am in the presence of God and then I began to have those guilt feelings again. I was holding my little boy thinking he died because I crashed the car; he's here because I  messed up and lost control and I began to think, well my thought was, I hope I'm forgiven. I hope some way I can be forgiven for, I mean did I take the life of my little boy? I mean, that was the guilt. It was very deep and as I was weeping holding him and feeling this presence come behind and as I had that thought suddenly this presence came so close and this felt physical too. I felt these loving arms wrap around and hold us and the message just came as powerful as could be; there's nothing to forgive, everything is in pure divine order, everything is okay. And it was almost like there was just a download of truth and knowledge and love and peace and all those misconceptions I had about God, that I was being tested, that I was probably failing, but I was going to be judged, those were swept away in pure unconditional love. There are not even words for the love that I felt as I was wrapped in those arms and it was almost like me and my little boy became part of that, like we became God.

And suddenly I was seeing everything differently. In fact I saw my life, you know, I saw my parents get divorced and the insecurities that created in me, and I saw the relationship with my brothers and the things that had happened, and I  saw things that I thought, well that was a mistake. But in those loving arms, it was just flowing, there are no mistakes, everything's in perfect order. And I saw things that like I knew they were wrong, but I did them anyway and I was thinking oh don't you know? And there was so much love; all that was flowing for me is, look how much we love you. Look how much we honor your choices, look how much we honor your life. And I was being told or I was I say told it, wasn't with words, it was just with this pure energy that everything was perfect, even that my life was perfect, that everything happened for a reason, that I was learning in every instance, and that actually, that I was perfect and that blew my mind. I thought well, how could I be perfect? But there was also this oneness in that if I was perfect then everyone else was perfect too, and everything was in divine order. And I also felt as if I was divine. Like I say, it's almost like we became God. I felt like I'm a divine soul. I'm a divine being of light having this crazy life experience that my soul might expand, and yet none of it is real. That's just the stage of a play or something I'm going through; it's an experience I'm having. And also I learned about choice again. I was told that I could be angry at God my whole life and think that he took my family away or that you know, somehow life was not fair and that was okay; there was no judgment whatsoever. I could do that but the beautiful thing is, I was given another choice and it was that I could exercise my will, I could give Griffon, I could give my son back to God, back to the universe, and then my will would be part of it that I could make a choice in that and I could literally let go in all that love and in all that peace and all that beauty. I was able to kiss my little boy and give him back and then I woke up back in the hospital bed, back to the amputation, the injuries, you know all that had happened, but I had a little bit different perspective realizing everything's a choice and realizing that everything is in divine order, and that if I'm perfect then everyone's perfect. There's no need to judge anyone for anything and that life's actually perfect if I could literally reach out and embrace it that way.

So I think it's interesting that these two things happen when I was not on heavy narcotics and they're so real. I mean it's been 20 years but I can remember them like they were yesterday. I can't remember what happened in the hospital. I don't remember when I moved from ICU. All of that is foggy, but the spiritual things that happened the out-of-body things that happened, were like they were yesterday. I'll never forget them and it changed me. Now I don't want any misconceptions, it was difficult. I mean, it wasn't like I wrecked the car, I had these incredible experiences, and then I was okay. I was a wreck for almost ten years. I mean, I was grieving, I was hurt, I missed my family, I missed my leg, I missed, all of it. Spencer, my little seven-year-old, how difficult for him: he lost everything I did. He didn't lose his leg but he lost his mother, he lost his brother; he in many ways lost his father, coming home to him was very difficult, because I thought, how am I gonna do this? I mean, first of all, I was in a wheelchair and this leg was chopped off, my right leg was still in a big brace, you know, holding it out straight so it would heal, my right arm was in a sling and I had a little electric wheelchair that I could drive with my one good hand. And that's how I returned home. Now I was going out into the world we were going to have to go to the market and to school and you know, I was really worried about him.

The day I came home was interesting and I share this for a specific reason. My brothers were incredible, I mean I can't imagine what I would have done without family and friends in this situation, but my brothers almost lost their jobs to be at the hospital with me, to see me through. They came to get me when it was time to go home.  They'd have to lift me into the wheelchair and put me and lift me into the car, and they drove me home. And there was a ramp that had been installed so I could get in the front door, and I  saw Spencer my seven-year-old watching out the window as my brother's, his uncle's, you know, were lifting me out of the car and putting me in the wheelchair.  And I thought how is he gonna deal with this, and then he did run and threw himself on my lap, which just about killed me cuz I still had all the sutures down from when they put my insides together; and he threw his arms around me and I had a huge Epiphany. I  realized that sitting in a wheelchair and holding my surviving son in this room was no less divine than being in the other realm and holding my son who had passed there. I mean suddenly heaven, if you will, was right here. I mean there was nowhere to go, there was nothing to be, that there are these divine moments and it's never gone away. I mean for 20 years now and yeah I had to get back to work, I had to make a life and we did; but there are those little moments in life, they're divine. It's like something opens up and your heart gets it I had miracles happen I mean, I say I had angels show up, and sometimes those angels were my brothers or my mom, sometimes it was neighbors, but I felt as if there was always angels from the other side. It's almost like Griffin and Tamra never really were gone.

I  eventually fell in love again, which was crazy. I mean, it was. I had guilt about that I think. I have a guilt complex. I mean, I had this incredible woman come into my life. Tanya she's my wife now and I wasn't dating. I was still bereaved. I was still heartbroken, but I began to have feelings for her and I felt awful. I would go to the graveyard and I would lay on my wife's grave and I was sobbing saying, well I was angry at one point. I'm like, how could you leave me like this? You know,I don't even walk right and I'm trying to raise our son and you're in that beautiful place; how dare you, how dare you leave me. I  mean I was angry and it was interesting because as I was pouring out my heart and letting her have it with my words I felt her. I don't see, but I felt her. I felt as if she came and  put her hands on my shoulders behind me and then she communicated so clearly. She was like don't berate me for leaving, and she said to me she said, I loved you enough to leave. But that can't be right you know. That doesn't make sense and she communicated, she said, you would not be learning what you're learning, life would be so different. I would have loved nothing more than to grow old with you and be with you but that was not the plan. And she laid it out like this was a big plan we made, this deal that you were gonna come, you were gonna have this experience, and that I was going to love you enough to go so that you would have those feelings and have your soul expand in such a way. And none of this really made sense so I don't fight fair and I said, yeah but I'm having feelings for another woman you know. And she laughed at me; she said, of course you are. I want you to be happy. I want you to have love. I want you to be with someone. I am not jealous. I'm not upset. I'm not hurt. In fact she communicated, I sent her your way so you can do whatever you want. You have the choice but she will teach you unconditional love. It was so real once again, that was so real to me, I could hear the voice in my head but I could feel it in my heart. I mean the communication was so clear and I could feel her there even though I didn't feel her physically. I could feel her right there with me and that was life-changing as well.

I eventually remarried, you know, I mean Tanya and I continued our relationship, and Spencer embraced her as a mother. Tanya's the hero of this story. I mean, she came in and continued to heal a broken man because I was broken. She took Spencer on as her son and kind of put all the pieces back together for us. Then we adopted two boys. Tanya was not able to have children, and she said I think we should adopt. I don't even say adopted boys; I just call them my sons. We adopted two boys that are brothers, and they came as a package deal to our home. Still, I just say my sons made it to our house. It looked a little different. We rebuilt this family, but it was still hard, I mean, it took me ten years to really get over the grief to really embrace love, and I think the key for me too is, even though I had had those profound experiences, I was still looking for joy and peace out there somewhere.

 Who can bring this to me? Tania, if she could just love me enough to make me feel okay or if the boys could just love me enough to make me feel okay or in my job or whatever else I was grasping at to feel like I was wanted and I was loved and I was okay even though I had been in the arms of God and felt perfect. But I was still looking for it, for an outside source. In fact, I was wandering around thinking, where's all that love I felt here; where will I ever find it? And the key was when I finally looked within myself instead of looking out there. When I finally realized, oh to love unconditionally, I get to love myself unconditionally. And when that happened the healing began because I was never gonna find it out there; it had to be felt within and even in my Christian upbringing this Jesus fellow said the kingdom of God is within. You don't look out there for it and I begin to maybe grasp what that meant a little more, that it is within us; we are divine beings, we do have the power to create our own situations if we embrace ourselves that way and do so.

For many years I didn't talk about my experience at all I didn't want people to think I was crazy and also I felt it was just for me. It's like this is sacred stuff you know, it's not lunchtime conversation to say hey, by the way, I went to the other side you know and so I just held it to my own self I didn't share about it. I didn't talk about it. Very few people even knew that I had had an experience, but I was talking to a group of people and it was a Sunday School class. I was teaching a class and the subject was the love of God and I began to get emotional saying oh I  have felt the love of God. I couldn't hold back the emotions because I was thinking of being in those arms and there was a woman in the back that came up and I knew her. She was a neighbor of ours and she said, there's a lot more to your experience, you don't talk about right? And I said, yeah but I don't talk about it. And she said I think you should meet with a person I know. And it was a man at the University who studied near-death or out-of-body experiences and I said, oh no I don't, and she said please do this.

So I sat down with him and shared what had happened; of course, I'm just weeping. I hadn't talked about it much, he was crying too. And when I finished there was someone in the back that was with a publishing company and came up and said you've got to write a book and I said no I don't even talk about this let alone write a book. And there was so many things falling into place and there was this little whisper, I call it a whisper, that was saying, maybe that's why you're still here. And so it's really not about me you know, it's about healing and if I can do something that makes a difference in the world with the catastrophe that happened then that makes it worth it, then that makes it in some ways okay, or at least a little bit better.

I mean there's so much division in the world everything teaches us that we're separate; you're of that political party, I'm of this one, and you're a  woman and I'm a man, or you're gay and I'm straight, or you're black and I'm white, or I mean there's all this segregation, all this division. The one thing that was so profound in my experience was the oneness, realizing that we are connected that I am you and you are me and that we're really here together, we're helping this together. There are no stepchildren in this family of God and also the love I felt, I have embraced that love. It is the most powerful force in the universe. Love can heal everything and it can heal anything if we can simply come together and in many ways - I embrace that as well you know. I used to live in a fear that the world was going to end or God was going to come and fix it. Now I'm a firm believer that it's up to us, that we're divine powerful beings and that if we can embrace that love that is within each of us by loving ourselves and then loving others, but that's the ripple effect that's what creates heaven right here.

You know there's nowhere to go or anything to be it's to really embrace and love each other here and suddenly that beautiful place becomes the ground under our own feet. The oneness, the connection that we have; and it doesn't matter who said it. There's been many masters. You know, Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad, I don't care which one. I mean Gandhi, Mother Teresa, it doesn't matter, the homeless guy on the street. I mean there we are all masters you will never encounter someone that's not a magnificent glorious divine being. I mean there's this whole great big universe. 

I love that because "Una' means one and "verse" means song. There's this one big song and each and every one of us have a part to play in that, a part to sing, and I sing at a tone that's far different than yours and every tone comes together in the perfect melody, the perfect harmony and it's already happening. We don't see it because we see ourselves as separate, but if we realized and stepped into the oneness that we already are and sang our song so brightly and shined as we do, it's like the Stars. Everyone has a different twinkle, but when you look at that milky way in that galaxy you say, wow look how beautiful it is collectively, look how beautiful the stars are individually and that's how we are. We're already that. There's nothing to become.

I mean, yeah, if it's so good there, why be here? I deal with a lot of people who struggle with suicide or who have lost children to suicide, and I have no judgment of that. There were many times during my struggles that I thought I'd rather just go, of course, I had a son here that was keeping me pretty grounded, but I think this is the big game; it's like we can't experience what we want to experience whenever things light and beauty and peace, it's almost like we wanted to have the opposite we wanted to experience what we're not, so we could finally embrace what we truly are.

I used to, I mean, I'll go back to my old football days where they would draw it on the chalkboard. All the X's and O's and everything looked perfect, yet you never knew until you got on the field and smelled the grass and had someone hit you that, you know, what it was like. I believe life is like that; we wanted to come and have the experience because our soul would expand and while we're here would you think, oh my gosh, I can't do this and this is too hard. But our higher self, our higher knowledge, but that's why you came. I mean it's easy for me to sit in a beautiful house and say life is good. There are people that suffer struggling.

I mean, I'm working with some folks that work with human trafficking, I mean kids being taken and put into the sex trade or whatever else. There are things in the world that are heart-wrenching, and so how do we look at those and say it's all in divine order? How does this make sense? I embrace it as a perfect opportunity to be love. How can I shine light in dark places? How can I embrace things and make a  difference, and I realize I'm just one, I'm just one guy, but gosh, can I make life better for somebody today? Can I do something for someone and by doing it for the one you're doing it for the all, even when I raise my own vibration if I can go meditate for a minute and get peace or forgive, you know something, even if it's forgiving myself? I forgive others very easily the hard one to forgive for me is myself that ripples out and affects the consciousness of all of humanity.

But it comes down to choice. We live in fear, we're so conditioned with judgment or religion or even our parents or whoever said, well you're a bad boy, you don't deserve that. That's not coming, well you've got to earn that you know. I mean all these things that we have conditioned in our mind when in reality we're deserving, we are worthy, always we're of great worth. And the earth is so beautiful. I mean now after having the experiences I had, I used to wonder about miracles you know. Gosh, how do you create a miracle and it hit me, now I can go out and watch a sunrise and it's an absolute miracle, like heaven is right here. I see the flowers grow that's a miracle. I mean smell the fresh air, feel the rain on your skin and think, wow it's so incredible to be in this realm and to be alive and there is no death. I'm having this experience and there is no judgment. I'm gonna move from this and I'll tell you when we pass from this life we're gonna be embraced by loving arms and simply asked what did you learn. Tell me about what you learned in your experience. What was it like to be you, what was it like to have this or not have that? It's all going to be collective oneness of, wow look what we learned, look what we created, look at the uniqueness. And we'll realize we always  were one. We always were connected. It was just our inability to embrace it and realize it that held us back. 

It's difficult because so much of our society just struggles day to day. It's hand to mouth how do I survive you know? How do I make enough money to pay the rent and to put groceries on the table; there's no time or energy for how do I assist others, how do I make a difference in the world. I found a key 4 minutes if I can take only ten minutes a day I mean, I'd rather take an hour but even 10 minutes to be still and just reconnect, like always be connected, just remember that connection, remember who I am, remember that everything's in divine order and let go of the fear, let go of the contention, let go of that doubt that there's not enough. You know we live in such fear that there's not enough; there's not enough money, there's not enough food there's, not enough time, there's not enough love, and yet if we can let go of that and realize there is enough, and I think the key for me was realizing that I'm enough. I'm enough. I mean I limp around on one leg and I do the best I can but I am enough by simply being me, by simply showing up in light in love and loving the people around me and taking care of those around me. And when I say "taking care of" just energetically, you know. I will probably never make enough money you know, probably never but then again what's money? It's just energy. I've had lots of money and I've had nothing and it didn't make me any happier one way or the other you know. I mean there's always that, well I want more money, I need to make more this or if I only had more money I could get that. They're just things, you know they're just things. 

I remember sleeping in the backseat of my car at one point when I was young and I had nothing but I didn't need anything; I was fine. Money is not who I am and that and none of it is who I am. If I really get in touch with I'm not the car, I'm not the house, I'm not the job, I'm not my partner, I'm not the shoes, or the clothes or anything else. I am all of it. I am that I am. I am the divine, I am me and me is enough just the way I am. And I can be my contribution in this universe without even trying by just simply being just being me. 

I've had to let go of control and expectations and comparisons I have some dear friends that are native indigenous people and there's a beautiful story that I was told once because I asked about that, how do I control, how do I fix how do I make, and this wise elder said no no. And then he told a story. He said, when you get in the river, when you fight the current, the harder you try to swim you sink, he said. When you relax when you let go when you go with the flow the current will take you exactly where you're meant to be. And it's interesting, I've been in the water, swimming is one of the only things I can do anymore, that where I move my body, but it's true the harder you fight the water the faster you sink. And if you just let go and relax and float it's peaceful, it's easy and there is order in the universe. You will be exactly where we're meant to be.

And we're divine beings, and we're here to make the world a better place and literally create peace and joy for everyone. So I have no doubt we could do it. We're powerful, powerful people. Any community is very powerful when they step up and decide and choose a difference I mean, never underestimate the power of a small group of people who are focused on change. There are thousands of examples and thousands of barriers that have been overcome where people find the peace; they come together, and I think humanity's awakening and actually doing it worldwide.


Never the spirit was born; the spirit shall cease to be never; Never was time it was not; End and Beginning are dreams!
Birthless and deathless and changeless remaineth the spirit forever; Death hath not touched it at all, dead though the house of it seems!

The Bhagavad-Gita


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  • This commment is unpublished.
    Donna Ayers-Vorbach · 1 years ago
    An extraordinary testimonial on the Real Presence of God and our Oneness with HIM! Thank you!
  • This commment is unpublished.
    terry125 · 1 years ago
    Great story recollecting the essence of forgiveness and the Love that is strong to endure the
    experience of acceptance and grieving, to water the resilience tree of living life.
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